


Shadows

by justcallmeradio



Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, Jack Needs a Hug, Light Angst, Pre-Canon, Sad Jack Kelly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:13:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29392497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justcallmeradio/pseuds/justcallmeradio
Summary: Jack has a panic attack while selling papes, but Race is there to help him.Takes place pre-newsies
Relationships: Racetrack Higgins & Jack Kelly
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> Pre-Newsies   
> Jack is 16ish

A siren was ringing somewhere. Jack couldn’t tell from where. It was surrounding him. Closing in. Another newsie was shouting headlines around the corners. An adult pushed past him. They touched him. Someone touched him. Someone tall. Someone who looked like-

“Jackie, are you okay?” 

A kid screamed down the street. It was so hot, almost suffocating heat. The siren was getting closer. They were coming to get him. He was sure of it. He had to get out. He couldn’t move. Hands wrapped around Jack’s. The cuffs would come next. Then he would be tossed into the back of the carriage, and back to the refuge, back to him. 

“Jack, what’s wrong?”

He opened his eyes. Crutchie was there, Too close. He shouldn’t be here. Jack shoved him away and Crutchie yelled. Jack threw his hands over his ears, anything to block out the sounds, but god, it was so loud, nothing could stop it. The siren was all he could hear now. Jack’s head was spinning. The world was fuzzy, and he was leaving it, slipping back into the refuge. 

Jack was being dragged into an alley. He couldn’t even fight back. Was this how he went back? Paralyzed in fear? He couldn’t see, he couldn’t even breathe. Someone forced him onto the ground. His hand was placed on their chest.

“Just breathe, Jackie. With me, alright?”

Racer. He nodded, but it wasn’t working. He couldn’t get in any air. The world dissolved around Jack.

“Breathe in.”

He could feel Race’s chest moving. Jack tried again, but his lungs rejected air. He would die before he got there. 

“Breathe out.”

His hands were shaking. He couldn’t control it. Snyder would hurt him for that. He could take another hit. It would shatter him. 

“Breathe in.”

Jack didn’t know how long Race sat with him. The world came back into focus slowly. The sirens faded away. Or maybe they had stopped a while ago. Race smiled when Jack locked eyes with him. 

“There you go, just keep breathing.”

He looked around. No police. No Snyder. Just Race, kneeling right in front of him, and Crutchie, who stood to the entrance to the alley, shifting around. Tears were running down Jack’s face before he could stop it. 

“Hey, Crutch?” Race said, his voice completely flat. “Why don’t you get home?”

“But, Jack-“ Crutchie said, too loud. 

“He’ll be fine,” Racer interrupted. “We’ll be back soon.”

Jack ducked his head down as Crutchie shot him one last glance before he walked away. Crutchie looked so worried. Jack scared him. It’s his fault. 

“I’m sorry,” Jack whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” Race said. “Come on, Jack, we’ve been together through everything. Ya don’t need to apologize.”

He did though. He was the leader now. Roger left Bean in charge and a month ago Bean left the newsies to him. And it had been going fine. The newsies trusted him. Most of them hadn’t known him when he was young. When he was in and out of the refuge before he learned how to avoid the cops. They thought Jack was strong. Indestructible. And he should be. 

He wiped the last tears off of his face. “I probably scared Crutchie.”

“Crutch is fine, he’s just worried,” Race said. 

Jack nodded, but he knew he messed up. No one was supposed to see this. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Race asked.

“I’m alright, Race.”

“Yeah, okay,” Race sighed, “But if you aren’t, you can talk to me.”

Race knew more than the others. He had seen Jack when he got out of the refuge, but the hadn’t been the worst of it. There were things no one would ever know. Race grabbed Jack’s hands, which were still shaking. He didn’t mean to, but he flinched. 

“You can’t go on like this, Jack.”

“Can’t I?” Jack scoffed. “Roger did, Bean did.”

“They had each other. And when Roger left, Bean had you. Now you’ve got me, and I ain’t about to let you run yourself into the ground.”

Jack knew that Race was right, but he couldn’t find the words. He didn’t know when this had happened. Race had seen every bruise, every scratch, every scar that was given to him at the refuge, but somehow it wasn’t the same. Race didn’t know how it still haunted him, that the reason he slept on the roof every night was that, in the dark, the lodging house looked too much like the refuge. How was Jack supposed to tell Race that everything about him was a lie?

“Just let me in, Jackie.”

He felt tears start to fall down his face again. 

“I can’t,” he choked out. “I’ll fall apart, and I can’t do that.”

“Jack, you can’t avoid this forever.”

“Don’t you think I know that!” Jack snapped, standing up. His heart was pounding. “I see that place— that man— everywhere. He’s in the streets, the lodging house, the papes. I just—“ 

Race was staring at Jack with a look he couldn’t read. He sat down against the wall again. Every one of his muscles was aching in exhaustion. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. “I just need to get out of here,” he whispered. 

“And what?” Race scoffed. “Go to out west?”

“Yeah... maybe.” Jack felt stupid saying it then. The thoughts of the shining sunsets in Santa Fe felt so far away, too far to ever reach. 

“Ya ain’t running away from this, Jack.”

Jack looked up at Race. He suddenly looked much only, Jack thought, more mature. He wasn’t the same boy that Jack met in the refuge. He had grown up. And here Jack was, still running from the same fears, just as trapped in his memories of the refuge as he was behind bars. Nothing had changed. 

Race stood up and held his hand out to Jack. “Come on, you were right, Crutchie is probably freaking out.”

“Hey! You said Crutchie was fine.” 

“I lied, he’s probably having an aneurysm.”

Jack shoved Racer, but he was laughing because the good thing that stayed in place all this time was Racer, who had always been at his side. Race pulled Jack up and threw an arm around his shoulders. They walked back to the lodging house together.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so that was a hot mess and as always I never know how to end things but I finished it so I feel like that’s an accomplishment. Anyways I hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment with suggestions/corrections/criticism/idk it makes my day  
> <3


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